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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26075800">Chasing Stars Before the Dawn</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltwatertears/pseuds/saltwatertears'>saltwatertears</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Owl House (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A lot of these tags don’t apply until later please don’t kill me, Amity Blight Needs a Hug, Amity and Willow become friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Introspection, POV Amity Blight, Pining, Self-Denial, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Summer Camp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 13:20:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,340</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26075800</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltwatertears/pseuds/saltwatertears</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“A real summer camp in a pretend summer camp I’m supposed to be at right now? It’s like summer camp-ception!”</p><p>The sun beat down on the Boiling Aisles, a firm reminder of why Amity had to leave in the first place. She’d never enjoyed Boiling Week- an entire week away from school and work was the equivalent of a death sentence in the Blight Family. But Amity Blight rarely took breaks, and she wasn’t going to start now. Hence the training camp.</p><p>OR</p><p>Amity, Luz, and the rest of the cast go to a summer camp and it’s cute as hell</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amity Blight/Luz Noceda, Lumity - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>204</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Welcome to Camp Rottencove</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For time info, this takes place somewhere between ‘The First Day’ and ‘Understanding Willow’, so post Hexside Luz but pre Luz and Amity actually becoming friends</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Amity, Luz, Willow, and Gus and introduced to Camp Rottencove.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“A real summer camp in a pretend summer camp I’m supposed to be at right now? It’s like summer camp-ception!”</p><p>The sun beat down on the Boiling Aisles, a firm reminder of why Amity had to leave in the first place. She’d never enjoyed Boiling Week- an entire week away from school and work was the equivalent of a death sentence in the Blight Family. But Amity Blight rarely took breaks, and she wasn’t going to start now. Hence the training camp.</p><p>Tightening her hair tie and wiping the sweat from her brow, Amity packed her luggage onto the longship, all the while being forced to listen to the drivel of the human girl standing a few feet behind her. Eventually, it got to be too annoying, and she turned around with a huff.</p><p>“It’s not a summer camp. It’s a training camp. We’re here to improve our magic, not to have fun. Or at least, I am.” Amity explained, her brow furrowed. Despite being forced to attend, Amity did appreciate the camp for it’s learning opportunities and the small amount of relaxation it allowed her to have, and she’d be damned if she was going to let that be ruined for her by some loud-mouthed human. </p><p>“Lighten up, Amity! I know you call it a training camp, but from the brochure, it looks exactly like a human summer camp! Camaraderie, adventure, drama! It says we even get t-shirts!” Luz exclaimed, elbowing Amity in the ribs.</p><p>Amity sighed, “If it matters that much to you, call it what you like. As long as you don’t get in the way of my training you can do whatever you want.” She finished loading up her bags and walked away from the trio. Willow and the other one started striking up a conversation with Luz, but Amity couldn’t care less. She took a seat near the front of the longship and felt for the first volume of her ‘Good Witch Azura’ boxed set in her carry-on bag. She quickly drew her hand back as the remaining students, including Luz and her friends, filed onto the longship. And with a mighty roar from the longship, they were off.</p><p>Amity had always liked flying. Whether it was on the back of her parent’s broom, hanging off of Emira or Edric’s, or even using public transport like a longship, she’d always found soaring above the clouds somewhat calming. In a way, it allowed her to clear her mind and escape from reality, if only for an hour or so. Down on the Boiling Isles, there was always something for her to be doing. But in the sky, there was nothing to do but enjoy the view. And Amity treasured that escape, brief as it may be. Which made it especially annoying when one badly dressed human decided to try and strike up a conversation.</p><p>“Gosh, isn’t this amazing? I’ve always loved going on airplanes and stuff back in the human world, and this is just like that! ‘Cept, y’know, there’s no roof and it has actual wings instead of big metal ones. Also, it doesn’t destroy the environment…” Luz pondered from behind Amity’s head. </p><p>“Hey Amity, your family is rich, right? Do you guys get to fly around in fancy magic limousines and stuff? That would be so cool!” Suddenly, the brown-haired girl was very much in Amity’s personal space, leaning over the back of her seat to practically yell in her ear. Amity resisted the urge to push her off the boat, instead deciding to just shuffle away and turn her head.</p><p>“I don’t know what that is, but no. We use brooms, like respectable witches.” </p><p>“Ooh, witch culture! Will people think you’re lazy if you have a magic chauffeur or something?”</p><p>“It’s not that, it’s just… well I suppose it kind of is that. You have to be able to do things yourself, otherwise, people might think you’re…” <i>Weak.</i></p><p>“Incapable.”</p><p>“Right…”</p><p>“Hey Luz, maybe we should leave Amity alone. We’ve got a long trip ahead of us and you’ll hurt your back leaning over like that.” Willow spoke up, gently pulling Luz away from the side of Amity’s face. </p><p>“Yeah, and she’s probably not gonna want to talk to you anyway. It’s best to just leave her alone.” Gus whispered, probably thinking Amity couldn’t hear him. She could, but she couldn’t be bothered to care. She just wanted some time alone. </p><p>Thinking about the Azura books in her bag, Amity sighed. With those three peeking over her shoulder, she wouldn’t be able to get three sentences in before being interrupted. Reluctantly, she put her bag under her seat and resigned herself to staring out across the horizon, the wind whistling through her hair as she continued to listen to the conversation behind her. </p><p>She supposed those three were interesting enough. A half-witch, a human, and one obsessed with humans. They were odd, to be sure, and Amity was always on the edge of a push and pull with them. Sometimes it seemed like they wanted her to be around them, other times they couldn’t get far enough away. Luz had become the wrench in the machine since she got here, as more often than not she ended up being the one trying to drag Amity into their misadventures. But Amity had resigned herself a long time ago to staying away from that. While she occasionally entertained the idea of letting go of her obligations, of trying to become real friends with them, she was inevitably reminded of her position in life. The Blight family only associates with a select few, and no matter how tempted she was, Amity had a reputation to uphold. Much like the appeal of escaping through flight, soaring up into the sky without a care for what awaited her below, Amity knew she’d always end up right back where she started, right where she was most comfortable, where she was meant to be. After all…</p><p>What goes up, must come down. </p><p>Touching down at camp, it looked the same as it always had. Being outside of the Boiling Aisles it ended up avoiding Boiling Week, which was always a plus when it came to the weather. Amity never had been keen on having her skin melted off, and training camp was as good an escape as any for that unfortunate fate. Aside from that, it was also different from the Boiling Aisles in such a way that it was almost… calmer. Nicer, even. The sky was a light purple, which faded into a fruitful shade of orange which blended pleasantly with the afternoon sun. The air was tranquil and fresh, lacking that sulfuric aroma the Boiling Aisles always seemed to have, feeling clear, crisp, and pleasant. The trees which would serve as her home for the next week rustled in the breeze, the age of them easily revealed upon one look at their gnarled, aged roots. Amity mentally mapped out where everything was, trying to remember the entrances to hiking trails she’d taken years before, as she was apt to do. As she mentally traced the map in her mind, following the familiar lines and invisible paths she’d walked so many Boiling Weeks and Summers before, she felt her unease melt away under the warm sun as she reentered her home away from home.</p><p>“Alright, witches, who’s ready for a super-duper Boiling Week here at Camp Rottencove!” An overly cheery counselor exclaimed as the young students piled off of the bus. </p><p>“Ooh, ooh, me! I am!” An overeager voice yelped. Amity didn’t even need to think twice to know who it could be.</p><p>“Well, I can’t hear the rest of you! Who’s ready?” With that, the crowd of students erupted into eager cheers, their fears relaxed by the fact that they couldn’t be possibly more excited for this than Luz. </p><p>“Well, then, let’s get started on the tour!”</p><p>Camp Rottencove was fairly simplistic in its layout. Amity knew there were far more advanced and infinitely more exciting summer camps in the Demon Realm, but for whatever reason, Hexside chose to host their Boiling Week camps here, so here was where she kept coming back to. It’s quaintness made it charming, a stark contrast to the stiff and stoic atmosphere of Hexside and the Boiling Aisles, and Amity enjoyed it well enough to tolerate it. They were guided through the cabins- six in total, each contained within a hollowed-out Great Vondin Tree, facing inward to a bonfire surrounded by seats. North from there was the mess hall, freshly cleaned from the previous summer, even though it surely wouldn’t stay that way for long. Then the training ground, and the entrance to the Rottencove Forest from the back of the camp, right next to the counselors' cabin and the administration office. Once the tour was concluded, the group of witches were shuffled into the administration cabin and handed their camper shirts. The process was familiar, and Amity soon knew what was next… the cabin race.</p><p>“Hey Amity, you’ve been here before, right? What’s a cabin race?” The brown-haired human tapped Amity on the shoulder as she was tightening her bootstrap.</p><p>“What does it sound like? The counselors aren’t going to assign us cabins, idiot. People would just sneak out to visit their friends anyway. So this is how we decide instead. First to a bed claims it, no questions asked.” Amity explained, annoyed. She’d perfected the art of cabin racing by now and was getting ready to claim her usual spot in the eastern cabin, laying right along the front window.</p><p>“So they don’t separate by girls and boys?”</p><p>This time, it was the other one of Luz’s friends who chimed in. “...No? Why would they do that? That’s stupid.”</p><p>“Some camps separate by coven if they’re strictly magic-based, but I’ve never heard of gender having anything to do with it,” Willow stated, clearly confused. </p><p>“Aw… that sucks! I was hoping for a hidden summer romance from a mysterious stranger in another cabin.”</p><p>The other one put his hand on Luz’s shoulder, needing to stand on his tiptoes to reach it. “Don’t worry, Luz. I’m sure you’ll have an epic summer romance even if you’re in the same cabin! And just because we get to choose our cabins doesn’t mean you won’t be separate from your future fling!”</p><p>“Thanks, Gus. You’re right! And besides, who needs romance when you’re at a magic camp! There’s so much else to do here!”</p><p>Gus. Amity should probably try and remember that. Either way, she couldn’t believe they were talking about romance, of all things. Though on the other hand, she supposed the idea would be kind of fun… sneaking out in the middle of the night, sitting together by a bonfire, going for romantic hikes in the-</p><p>
  <b>BOOM!</b>
</p><p>Wrapped up in her thoughts, Amity jumped at the sound of the starting spell and took off running before she even knew what was going on. Dammit! She let herself get distracted by those idiots, and now she was falling behind. Great. But just ahead, out of the corner of her eye, she saw the training grounds, and with them, the obstacle course. And that gave her a great idea.</p><p>Laser-focused, the green-haired girl sprinted across the obstacle course, jumping up the totem poles leading and landing on the final platform running. Holding her breath, she took a leap from the ten-foot height, drawing a circle in the air as she narrowed her eyes in focus. Below her, a gooey abomination sprung from the ground and pushed her up into the air with all the strength it had, sending her flying over her competition in the afternoon sun.</p><p>A smug grin on her face, Amity summoned forth another abomination, which caught and rolled with her, before releasing her onto the ground while still maintaining her momentum. Amity felt a wave of joy rush through her as she broke to the front of the pack, turning around for just a moment to see how far behind everybody else was and feeling her heart fill up with glee as she saw they were miles behind in comparison. Her internal celebration was broken, however, when an illusory Gus stuck his leg out in front of her and she felt herself tumble to the ground.</p><p>“Amity? Are you okay?”</p><p>There was a dull pain in the back of Amity’s head as she sat up, and she came face to face with a figure she couldn’t quite make out, shadowed by the sun shining at the back of their head.</p><p>Still in a daze, Amity reached out and took their hand, standing up. “Yeah, I’m fine, thanks for-”<br/>
She cut herself off when she saw a familiar face. Embarrassed to have let herself be helped up, she quickly pulled her hand back from Luz’s, averting her eyes. “Whatever! I was fine on my own.”</p><p>Luz furrowed her eyebrows in concern, an act which Amity saw as very patronizing. “Are you sure? You took a pretty hefty tumble. It was kinda funny, to be honest!”</p><p>“You didn’t need to help me up, though! Jeez, why do you always have to be on my case…” Amity turned around and gave an annoyed sigh as she saw the rest of the campers chatting to one another by the bonfire pit. “I’m guessing I lost the race, then?”</p><p>“Probably. But I stopped to help you, so that means we’re losers together!”</p><p>“That’s no better than me being a loser on my own.”</p><p>“You may think that, but at least you won’t be lonely!” Luz grinned blindingly, “And who knows, maybe Willow and Gus saved us some beds!”</p><p>“I doubt it.”</p><p>“Well, we won’t know unless we go and find out, right? Come on, Amity!”</p><p>The human girl took off, sprinting with wild abandon as she ran towards the cabins, tripping on a tree root as she turned the corner to enter. Amity signed reluctantly, adjusting her hair from the fall and gathering up her bag, slowly making her way to the cabins.</p><p>Amity ended up finding Luz in the northwestern cabin, after checking all the others and seeing they were fully occupied. Amity knew she shouldn’t be disappointed, it was her fault she came last, but the bitter feeling of losing wormed its way into her chest anyway. She felt defeated, a feeling only amplified when she saw Luz’s eyes light up at the sight of the one remaining bed in the camp. </p><p>A stupid. Rickety. Worn down. Bunk bed.</p><p>This was going to be a long week.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is my first fic, so please don’t rip me to shreds lmao<br/>Btw ‘Boiling Week’ is a fictional holiday I made up where the boiling aisles gets too hot to live in so everyone fucks off to summer homes and shit, it’s literally just an excuse for this fic to take place over the course of a week</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Apathy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It’s the first day at Camp Rottencove, and Amity is insistent on going it alone. However that doesn’t work out as well as she could have hoped.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for all your support on this fic so far! It got way more love than I ever could have anticipated and I appreciate everyone who left kudos’ and comments and whatever! I’m still getting used to fic writing, so I’m super grateful to everyone who’s encouraged me :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Amity awoke to the first day of camp with a crick in her neck. Apparently, there was a reason nobody wanted to choose the bunk bed, aside from the obvious, and that was that the mattress was about fifty years old, or so it felt. At least Luz had been nice enough to give her the bottom bunk. There was no way Amity was going to deal with a sore neck and a broken back after she inevitably rolled off of the gateless top bunk. </p><p>Rubbing her neck, Amity sat up and pulled her hair tie off of her wrist with her mouth, using both her hands to slick her hair back and adjust it into her usual half up half down style. As she tied it up, a streak of brown popped into her peripheral, and she turned to see Luz dangling down over the side of the top bunk, grinning like a maniac. How she managed to be so cheerful in the mornings, Amity didn’t know, but she wasn’t having any of it.</p><p>“Morning, bunkmate! How’d you sleep?”</p><p>“Do you have to be so loud? And stop leaning over like that, you’re going to fall.”</p><p>“Yeah, right. I’m Luz the human, champion of earth and future supreme witch of the Boiling Aisles! A little rickety bunk bed isn’t going to-”</p><p>Rolling her eyes, Amity slammed her first into the bedpost beside her, shaking the bunk bed and sending Luz tumbling head over heels to the floor of the cabin.</p><p>“Hey, no fair! That’s foul play!” the disgruntled girl exclaimed, fixing herself from her crumpled position into a no less dignified toddler sit, shaking her head rapidly to try and regain her senses. Amity couldn’t help but mentally compare her to a small dog. She was just as annoying, after all.</p><p>“I don’t have time for you to be goofing off. Breakfast is at seven, and I’ll be damned if you’re gonna slow me down and make me end up at the back of the line.”</p><p>“Ooh, breakfast! I wonder what we’re having… I hope this isn’t one of those camps like the movies that make you eat tapioca or gruel or something.”</p><p>“This is a summer camp, not the Conformatorium. Now move.” </p><p>Amity stood up and rubbed the back of her neck again, pushing Luz out of the way with her foot as she headed out of the cabin. She could hear Luz crying out for her to wait up, but she blocked her out easily enough, instead opting to beeline for the cabin doors and march her way to the mess hall.</p><p>The sun was just peeking up over the horizon, tinting the sky a deep crimson red as rays of soft orange light filtered through the trees of the Rottencove Forest and into Amity’s eyes. Normally she would be annoyed at having her vision impaired, but with the tranquility of the scenery and her grogginess from having just woken up, she found herself to be a little less irritable than she would otherwise be in the mornings. The grass, wet with morning dew, felt cold between her toes, and the numbness it gave her feet was the only notable sensation in this otherwise dreamlike morning haze. Before Amity even knew it, she was at the mess hall, and a wave of warmth burst onto her as she opened the doors, eager chatter breaking the silence and properly waking her up. Amity obviously wasn’t the first one to get here, and judging by the large clock hanging over the fireplace she’d only just made it before breakfast, so she took a seat near where she knew the line would start and rested her hand on her chin. As Amity spotted Luz and her friends walking in, one of the counselors shouted for everyone to line up, and breakfast was underway.</p><p>Amity spent most of her meal thinking about what she would do that day. She managed to grab a table over by a window on her own, leaving her unbothered by the rest of the campers, much to her relief. She had practically memorized the camp schedule by now and was well aware that there were multiple activities usually happening at once. She intended to spend this entire week strengthening her magic, so that eliminated the more useless activities like hiking or arts and crafts. As she was thinking, her train of thought was broken by the sound of loud laughter from the other side of the mess hall.</p><p>Taking care to make it look like she wasn’t, Amity looked over to where she heard the noise and saw none other than Luz, Gus, Willow, and a couple of other campers crowded around one table. Gus seemed to be telling a story, waving his arms around dramatically and casting illusions to help with whatever he was saying, and the other surrounding campers were watching in merriment, undoubtedly the source of the laughter which had broken her concentration. </p><p>Luz managed to clock Amity staring, looked at her, and waved.</p><p>Amity felt a weird feeling in her stomach. It was kind of like a pit or a hole, and it wormed its way up into her chest, clenching it and making her feel like she was having trouble breathing. She turned her eyes back to her breakfast, and suddenly she didn’t feel like eating anymore.</p><p>What was this feeling? Annoyance? Amity had felt a certain level of animosity towards people, particularly Willow and her friends, before, but this was different in a way she was having trouble pinning down. It almost felt like she was suddenly missing something, like a hole had suddenly formed inside her, and it was making her extremely uncomfortable. She sucked in a breath and closed her eyes, and she could sense the feeling dissipating as she calmed herself. Whatever.</p><p>She didn’t care. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Amity had decided to test her skills with some target practice. She’d spent a while warming up, casting small spells to ease herself into it, and she finally felt she was ready to get some real practice in. </p><p>Amity could feel herself getting excited. She always did whenever she got a chance to do magic, and she always felt a bit embarrassed by just how happy it made her to flex her skills. She could feel the energy coursing through her veins, and it filled her with adrenaline, sending shivers down her spine.</p><p>The green-haired witch stepped up to the medium distance line and heard the sound of other campers casting spells next to her at varying distances. She’d show them who was boss. Amity turned her head to the supervising counselor, awaiting permission to fire, and after a few seconds, she saw him nod and give her an ‘okay’ signal. </p><p>Steadying herself, Amity breathed in and thought, <i>"Here goes."</i> </p><p>She drew her hand up from her side to cast. This was always her favorite part. Sure, the anticipation was always exciting, especially when it was her first real spell of the day, but that was nothing compared to the catharsis she got from letting out all that pent up energy. But she wasn’t there yet.</p><p>Time slowed down as Amity narrowed her eyes at the target, her arm lifted to a full point, and she swiveled her finger. As she moved, she felt flashing, electric energy spring forth from every point in her body, giving her goosebumps. It traveled along her body in segments through her blood, moving behind her eyes and causing them to sting, until the different strands of energy converged as they slowly crept their way up her arm in a wave. Amity completed her motion and closed the circle, and from the point of her finger, she felt a wave of pent up magical energy burst out, emerging from her spell in a brilliant strike of purple flame, shooting forth at an incredible speed and burning straight through the center of the target. </p><p>Amity’s knees almost buckled as she released. She may have overdone the spell, but it was well worth it. People were looking at her, whispering to one another as they stared at her in awe. </p><p>
  <i>“Wow.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Yeah, I know, right?”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“How’d she aim it so perfectly?”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“She’s a Blight, of course it was perfect.”</i>
</p><p><i>“That’s right.“</i> thought Amity. <i>“I am a Blight.“</i> And now everyone knew it. Well, almost everyone.</p><p>She heard laughter again, the same laughter from breakfast, and she looked past the crowd of gaping campers to see Luz, Willow, and Gus. Again. This time they were laughing at Luz, as she tried to load an arrow into a quiver. Willow made an attempt to straighten it, but as soon as she did the arrow fell out and onto the ground, and the three of them erupted into giggles once more.</p><p><i>They didn’t even notice.</i> Why was that the first thought that had popped into her head? She wasn’t doing this for them. She was doing it for herself, to show how powerful she could be. To prove to everyone that she wasn't just here to muck around. She didn’t need their approval. She didn’t need <i>them.</i></p><p>The uncomfortable feeling inched itself into Amity’s chest yet again, and she felt herself get angry. Why did this keep happening? Did she really hate them so much that just seeing them made her feel like she wanted to be swallowed whole by the ground? It was probably just second-hand embarrassment, seeing Luz fail so miserably at archery like that. Amity decided she’d had enough target practice for today. She’d made her point. Whatever.</p><p>She didn’t care.</p><p> </p><p>As per usual for Camp Rottencove, lunch was eaten outside. You get given some food and can sit wherever you want. Amity was a big fan of this routine. At breakfast, she wasn’t always guaranteed to get a table to herself. More often than not one of the counselors came over to try and make conversation to make sure she wasn’t feeling excluded. She always felt like she was being treated like some lost kitten whenever it happened, and she despised it. But with lunch, it was extremely easy to hide away and not be bothered by anyone. Which she did. </p><p>When Amity was about eight, she’d been sent to Camp Rottencove for the first time. Even then she’d always known how annoying people were when they were forced to make conversation, so the very first chance she got, she found the perfect place to hide where she knew she wouldn’t be disturbed. That ended up being a big tree near the training ground. It was far enough into the forest that she knew people wouldn’t be able to see her from the campground, but close enough to the edge that she never needed to worry about getting lost or being back late. It was perfect. This secret spot was where she was now, eating her sandwich with one hand and flipping through the pages of her current Azura book with the other. She’d just gotten into the zone, reading intently about Azura bravely scaling the icy peaks of Bluecap Mountain to reach the temple of the Ice Wizard Polaris, when she heard the worst thing she could imagine.</p><p>“Hey Amity, wanna come sit with us?”</p><p>Amity flattened her back against the tree trunk, hoping it would make the intruder realize she wasn’t interested, but they were obviously too dense for that.</p><p>“You can’t hide from me, I can see that minty mop of yours from a mile away! Why are you sitting all by your lonesome?”</p><p>Amity sighed and looked down to see the face of Luz, who was quickly scaling up Amity’s list of annoyances.</p><p>“Go away. I’m trying to read.”</p><p>“Ooh, whatcha readin’? Is it Azura? What volume are you on?”</p><p>Before Amity could stop herself, she burst out, “Volume Four, but I’m rereading it.” </p><p>Mentally smacking herself, Amity recollected her composure. “But it’s none of your business anyway. Why are you even here? You really need to stop bothering me.”</p><p>“I already said it! I was gonna ask if you wanted to sit with us! Me, Willow, and Gus, I mean. They’ve already said it’s alright, so don’t worry about offending them or anything by suddenly showing up!”</p><p>There it was again. That sickening, uncomfortable feeling. This was really starting to piss Amity off. Why couldn’t this dumb feeling just go away? It had been following her around all day, and making everything suck, and here it was again, rearing its ugly head. It had to be something to do with Luz and her friends, Amity could figure out that much. But she still couldn’t place it. Was it animosity? Second-hand embarrassment? Disgust? Anger? Nothing she thought of felt right, and that just pissed her off even more. Why couldn’t Luz see that all she was doing was making Amity feel terrible? Why did this weird human have to go around ruining everything for her!</p><p>“Can you <b>stop</b> bothering me! Jeez! You’ve been following me around ever since I got here like some kind of yappy lap dog, are you obsessed with me or something? I obviously don’t want you around, so why can’t you just <b>leave me alone!</b>”</p><p>Luz was pretty far away so it was hard to see her face, but Amity could tell she was hurt. She watched as she looked down and shuffled her feet, her whole form deflating in embarrassment. </p><p>“Oh. I- I didn’t realize I was annoying you that much! Uh- that’s… that’s fine! I’ll go. I’m really sorry… have fun with your book!” </p><p>The brown-haired girl looked up with a pained, awkward smile, and quickly walked away, and Amity felt herself deflate slightly before straightening herself back up. Sure, she may have hurt Luz’s feelings, but at least she’d gotten her point across. She was alone now, just like she wanted. So why was the feeling still there? Maybe Amity had been a bit harsh, and she definitely could have worded that better in an effort to preserve Luz’s feelings... but why did that matter? Luz’s feelings didn’t mean anything to her, what point was there in protecting them? Whatever.</p><p>She didn’t care.</p><p> </p><p>Dinner that night was a bonfire celebration for the first day of camp, with stupid schmaltzy songs and s’mores and things like that. Just thinking about it made Amity nauseous, so she told the counselors she’d sit out and eat her dinner in the cabins. They’d looked concerned, but decided to let her skip it.</p><p>Amity could hear the noise from the bonfire from the inside of her cabin, and it was incredibly irritating. She’d given up on dinner, she wasn’t hungry and it tasted bland, and all she wanted was to sleep. If she had to make do with this crummy bed she may as well get as much sleep as she could. But judging by the volume from outside and the fact that no matter how hard she squeezed her pillow over her ears she could still hear the sounds of celebration, it seemed that Amity would have to resign herself to a sleepless night.</p><p>The green-haired girl rolled on her back and looked up at the bottom of the bed above her, letting out a sigh. Today had sucked. That was all she could think. Day one of seven and she already wanted to go home. The thought of more days like this made Amity feel even worse, so she tried to block that thought out of her mind. What was most annoying was that she had no reason to feel like this. Amity had been alone for most of her life, and it had never bothered her like this before. Sure, there were days when she wished she could be braver, put herself out there more, but the risk had never been worth the reward in her experience. It was easier to just be alone than to deal with idiots like… </p><p>And there it was again.</p><p>The feeling coming back made Amity want to cry. Even just thinking about them made her feel terrible now. Had they really gotten into her head that much? She was pathetic. Amity squeezed her eyes shut and tried to will the feeling away, tried to fill that hole inside her, or ignore it, or do something, but it was too much. She curled up onto her side and begged herself to just be normal, to not care like she always had before, but it hurt too much. The feeling was vile and invasive, curling up her body and making it shake with misery. Amity’s world closed in around her, and she trembled helplessly as she clutched her knees to her chest. Why did <i>they</i> deserve to be happy any more than she did? What did they have that she didn’t? Why did she feel like a part of her was missing? </p><p>And after a whole day of denying it, Amity finally realized what this horrible, warped, green, feeling was.</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Jealousy.</b>
  </i>
</p><p>The door to the cabin clicked open and Amity hurriedly unfurled herself, wiping away tears she didn’t even know were rolling down her cheeks.</p><p>And of course, who else would show up at an inconvenient time like this other than Amity’s own kryptonite, Luz Noceda. </p><p>“Amity? I know you said you wanted me to leave you alone, but I wanna talk to you about something. Please don’t get mad at me…”</p><p>Right. The lights were off. At least Luz wouldn’t be able to see her in this state. God, she was pathetic.</p><p>“I’m over here. It’s fine.”</p><p>Amity prayed her voice didn’t sound too hoarse. If anyone found out Amity Blight had been crying to herself in the cabins, that would be the only thing to make this day worse.</p><p>“Oh, okay!”</p><p>Amity heard the sound of shoes against wood and felt the mattress sink down next to her, as well as the hollow thud of Luz hitting her head against the top of the bunk bed.</p><p>“Ow.”</p><p>“You should be more careful.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah. I’ve probably still got a concussion from this morning, so don’t be too hard on my coordination!”</p><p>There was a heavy pause.</p><p>“...You said you wanted to talk to me about something?”</p><p>Amity felt Luz grow nervous beside her.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Another pause. Jesus, this girl would be the death of her.</p><p>“Spit it out, then!”</p><p>“Okay, okay! Don’t snap at me, this isn’t exactly an easy thing to say.” Luz fumbled, sucking in a breath. Amity felt her looking at her. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“You already said that.”</p><p>“I know, but that one was just a reflex! I was surprised you yelled at me so I just spat out whatever I could think of and ran off. But this is my proper apology. I’m sorry for being annoying.”</p><p>Amity raised an eyebrow, though she knew Luz couldn’t see it.</p><p>“I’m not the best at picking up social cues, and I didn’t realize I was making you uncomfortable. It’s just… I think you’re really, really cool.”</p><p><i>"What kind of reason is that?"’</i> She internally screamed.</p><p>“So what, you were stalking me or something?”</p><p>“No! I just… I know it sounds weird, but I guess I just wanted to be your friend. I figured if I kept trying to talk to you, you’d eventually just… let me? I guess? Like how Hecate and Azura became friends when Azura kept bringing her tea in the mornings and Hecate rejected her at first, but then she really liked it and then they started talking and y’know-”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“So yeah. But if you don’t wanna be my friend, you don’t have to. You seem to like being alone anyways, and you’re probably way too cool for me. I’ve got Willow and Gus, anyway, so it’s fine if you just want me to leave you alone from now on and stay in my lane.” Luz said with a nervous laugh, “I probably shouldn’t even be talking to you now, huh? I just really wanted to apologize.”</p><p>Amity felt… conflicted. On the one hand, the person who had made her day terrible was sitting right here, just waiting for Amity to tell her to go away forever. She was just here to apologize, and then she would leave her alone. But was that really what she wanted? Amity remembered the feeling. Had it really been jealousy? She could have sworn it was that, but now she was so muddled up she could barely even remember it. What if she really did just hate Luz? Then accepting her apology and trying to reciprocate her attempts at friendship would make it even worse. But for once… Amity was willing to take a chance.</p><p>“It’s fine. And, also…”</p><p>No going back. If she agreed to be Luz’s friend, she’d probably be in her business more than ever. But there was no point in feeling conflicted. If Amity didn’t want this entire week to suck, she needed to do something. </p><p>“I can try being your friend. If you still want to, that is.”</p><p>Even in the darkness, Amity could feel Luz’s stupid grin. This was going to be exhausting. Maybe she had made a mistake after all.</p><p>But before Amity could even second guess herself again, she felt Luz’s arms wrap around her shoulders and she immediately stiffened.</p><p>“You really mean that? Thanks, Amity! You won’t regret this, I promise!”</p><p>And before Amity could even process it, the contact was gone and Luz started skipping towards the cabin door. She opened it, turning around and letting in the light of the bonfire, silhouetting her with a golden orange glow. </p><p>“You coming?”</p><p>Luz looked almost ethereal in the light, a glowing beacon of something which struck Amity like a blow to the head. It was unusual and seemed to trigger a different feeling inside her. It wasn’t the one from before, it wasn’t jealousy, but it was just as difficult to place. It was strange, but good. Warm, and comforting. Happy, but not in the way Amity was used to. It was like looking at Luz, being beckoned by her to step into the light awoke something in Amity she didn’t know she was capable of feeling. It was nice.</p><p>Amity felt her face heat up and assumed it was just the sudden warmth from the bonfire. Shaking away the fog that had formed over her, she stood up, and as she did, her world became crystal clear. She supposed this new friendship wouldn’t be so bad after all. She may be stepping out of her comfort zone, but it was nice. </p><p>As Amity walked towards the bonfire. She wondered what people would think. What Luz’s friends would think. She’d always been a loner, both in school and at camp, so she feared for a moment that people might judge her for suddenly changing her perspective. But as Amity walked towards the bonfire, she saw Luz, still glowing and brilliant, and she realized… whatever.</p><p>She didn’t care.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Is this self indulgent in the sense that I love imagining what it would be like to use magic? Yes.</p><p>Did I accidentally make this read like a one shot by using repetition? Yes.</p><p>Do I care? No.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Change</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Amity does some finger knitting, goes on a hike, gets into a fight, and comes to a terrifying realisation.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Wow. Been awhile, huh? Life gets in the way, I suppose. But here it is! Keep in mind that this fic isn’t my creative priority, let alone my general one, so please excuse the wacky scheduling. I hope it was worth the wait though!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Since the bonfire, Amity had fixed herself enough into Luz’s social circle that she found herself sitting with them at breakfast and lunch rather than on her own, and she even occasionally participated in activities with them when the chance arose. There was the standard level of awkwardness that comes with a new friendship, but Amity figured she was adjusting to it fairly well. </p><p>She got along with Luz the best. She was by far the most accommodating and made Amity feel welcome no matter the situation. She was different from Amity’s regular friends, but it was an appealing and new experience, and she found herself enjoying the time they spent together more than the time she spent on her own, which was unusual.</p><p>Though when push came to shove, Luz stuck with her friends, and Amity watched from the sidelines. She wanted to get closer to the others, if not only to get closer to Luz, but it always seemed like there was some kind of barrier separating her from truly getting close to them.</p><p>Which was why she was so surprised when she was approached by one of them whilst waiting near the training grounds for the archery lesson. </p><p>“Hey, Amity! Can you come with me for a second? I need your help with something.”</p><p>Amity looked up, quickly dissipating the small abomination she had in her hands and was making do push-ups. It was Gus. The short one.</p><p>Out of all the people in Luz’s trio, Gus was the one Amity had interacted with the least. He was outgoing and slightly reckless, going hand in hand with Luz, but he was the least anxious out of the three whenever she was around, which Amity appreciated. Maybe he just wasn’t smart enough to be afraid of her. She couldn’t tell.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“An arts and crafts project. I’m doing macrame!” Gus beamed, wiggling his fingers. </p><p>“Macrame?” Amity cocked her head. It was probably a human thing, knowing him.</p><p>“Yeah! It’s finger knitting! You get this special string and you knot it together in certain ways to make stuff. I’m doing a wall hanging!”</p><p>“Why are you bothering me about it? I’m sure Luz or Willow would be much more willing to give up their time.” </p><p>“It’s kinda specific. Macrame is an art, so you need a gentle touch. That rules out Luz for sure. And as much as I love Willow, she’s not exactly the most coordinated. You seem good at fancy, intricate things, so I figured I’d ask you!” Gus exclaimed, listing off the reasons on his fingers.</p><p>Amity felt flattered, in a weird way. Despite being the third choice, it was nice to know that Gus considered her an option. Which is probably why she ended up accepting. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, after all.</p><p>“Fine. Come on then.” Amity declared, getting up. Archery lessons could wait.</p><p>One silent walk later, Amity and Gus took some seats near the arts and crafts tent, where Gus had a basket of yarn and the beginnings of a wall hanging sitting haphazardly across the workplace. Taking a seat, Amity shuffled nervously and looked at the project.</p><p>“Why did you need my help with this, exactly? It looks like you’ve done it… acceptably. So far.”</p><p>“According to the instructions, there’s a bit here in the middle that requires some complicated knots, see?” Gus explained, pointing at the image he was referencing. Sure enough, there was a line of intricate diamond patterns just beneath the section he’d already finished. “My fingers are too big to do it, and the counselors took the needle away after someone tried to stab him with them, so I need someone with thinner fingers to help me out. You’re practically skin and bone, so I figured you’d be perfect for the job!”</p><p>“...Thanks. But I’ve never done macrame before, how I am supposed to do…” Amity paused, and gestured loosely at the picture. “This?”</p><p>“It’s easier than it looks. You’re just overcomplicating it. Here, look.” </p><p>Gus grabbed some macrame cord and started knitting it. The knots he did were simple, just looping some cord around, pulling it down, and repeating the process, but by the end, he had a few lines of a nice looking square braid. </p><p>“See? The knots I need you to do are a little harder than square knots, but you’re Amity Blight! You’ll manage. And I’ll give you instructions the whole way, alright?”</p><p>“I’ll do my best…”</p><p>Gus set Amity up with the wall hanging, and read her the instructions for the pattern she needed to do. She felt uncertain at first, but as he said, it was much easier than she thought it would be. She even ended up getting into a sort of meditative rhythm as she worked, with Gus jumping in with occasional words of guidance.</p><p>When Amity trained, she went all out, and considering this was a training camp, she’d been working hard for the past few days. But it was nice to have a moment of downtime, even if it was with something she was completely unfamiliar with. It made her wonder what had made Gus go to the arts and crafts tent, to begin with.</p><p>“You’re probably wondering why I’m not off with Luz and Willow, huh?”</p><p>Well then. Asked and answered.</p><p>“I guess so. More along the lines of why you decided to do arts and crafts, out of all things. Isn’t that a bit… you know…” Amity paused to consider her words. “Childish?”</p><p>Gus laughed. “Your scathing words pain me, Blight. But I guess you’re kinda right. Sure, arts and crafts may be juvenile, but I find that it’s one of the best activities here.”</p><p>“Why’s that?”</p><p>Gus looked pensive for a moment and pursed his lips. </p><p>“A lot of things witches do, they do because they’re witches. I mean, take a look at this camp! Magic training, archery, combat classes, enchanted hikes… it’s all just witchy stuff. Arts and crafts are one of the only things here that you don’t necessarily need to be a witch to enjoy.”</p><p>“Well, I quite like ‘witchy stuff’. I can’t see why you wouldn’t like it.” Amity huffed. </p><p>“I’m not saying those things aren’t fun! I’m just saying you can do more than one thing. That’s part of why I’m so interested in humans. They aren’t born with any one thing to focus on, like magic. They just go out into the world and do whatever. That’s why they started doing things like arts and crafts, and music, and sports. They don’t have tunnel vision like we do.”</p><p>“I don’t have tunnel vision!”</p><p>“When’s the last time any of your classes weren’t about magic?”</p><p>Amity paused. He was technically right. Hexside was a magic school, after all. It’s not like any other type of school existed.</p><p>“Exactly. You’ve spent so long on magic, magic, magic, that you never stopped to consider what else is out there. Like macrame! You don’t have to always be ‘Amity Blight’. Sometimes you can try doing something else.”</p><p>Amity looked down at the wall hanging she was working on. Her hands were worn and weathered from years of training, her fingers nimble from writing and casting spells, and her black nails cut down, for fear of anything longer affecting her performance. Then Amity remembered her drawings.</p><p>They were never that good. She didn’t want to brag about them in case they weren’t, so she just kept them to herself. It’s not like they were important. Just doodles to pass the time. But when she made them, she felt relaxed. A little lighter. Like flying on a longship. Like doing macrame. </p><p>“I guess you’re right. Huh.”</p><p>“You see what I mean? It might just be me, but sometimes I think I like doing arts and crafts better than magic.”</p><p>And for a moment, Amity thought that she did too. </p><p> </p><p>A day after Amity’s time with Gus, the counselors offered a day trip over to Coffin Lake. Camp Rottencove was surrounded by the Rottencove Forest, so hikes weren’t a new activity, but occasionally they’d do day trips where campers were allowed to go further out into the woods to see certain, more interesting areas, one of which was Coffin Lake. </p><p>Amity had been to Coffin Lake a few times during her stays at the Camp, it was one of the cooler areas the day trips offered, and she always jumped at the chance to go, so her name was first on the list. She now found herself waiting outside the trail with the rest of her bag, and she was ready to go when one of the counselors tapped her on the shoulder.</p><p>“Hey Amity, you’ve done this trail a few times, right? We’ve got some more new campers than usual this time around, so it’d be super helpful if you could buddy up with one of the rookies to take a bit of the weight off our shoulders.”</p><p>Amity shrugged. “I suppose I could if I had to. Who would I be paired up with?” </p><p>“Willow Park. You two are friends, right?”</p><p>Amity bit her lip. “You could say that.”</p><p>“Great! You don’t have to be super hands-on, just make sure she doesn’t get lost or hurt and try to keep around the middle of the group so we can see you guys. Thanks!”</p><p>Before Amity could respond, the counselor had bounded off.</p><p>The hike was uneventful, as all hikes were, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t beautiful. The forest consisted mostly of old Vondin trees, so the scenery was purple and brown in large parts, with the leaves sometimes appearing red as the Boiling Week sun glinted off of them. The trail was a marble mix of gravel and mud, crunching softly beneath Amity’s boots as she walked, a solid rhythm accented by the chirps and chimes of the Rottencove Forest. The air was fresh and clear, and Amity’s nose filled with the muddy pine smell of the outdoors every time she breathed inward. It was tranquil, in every sense. The tranquility never lasted longer than a few minutes, however, since it seemed like every time Amity looked away, Willow fell over, landing on the path with a thud.</p><p>“Will you stop that? I’m getting sick of picking you up every time you fall over.”</p><p>“It’s not my fault! Darn tree roots.” Willow mumbled, rubbing her skinned knee and shaking her head.</p><p>“If you actually paid attention and watched where you were going, you wouldn’t fall so much. Maybe you need new glasse-”</p><p>Amity was cut short by her head knocking into a low tree branch and she rubbed it in pain as she heard Willow giggling behind her.</p><p>“I think someone needs glasses. And it’s not me.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t have done that if you’d stop distracting me!”</p><p>“Maybe you just need to multitask better. You can talk to me and walk in a straight line at the same time, you know.” Willow joked, still giggling.</p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>There was a pause as the girls collected themselves, Amity from her hard-knock and Willow from her previous fall. They set off again, stepping in tandem as the sounds of nature settled back in after their brief clash. A feeling of awkwardness settled over them, one they now had to acknowledge after actually talking to each other.</p><p>Amity and Willow had a history. Bad blood, you could say. It happened when they were kids, sure, but Amity still felt a pang of guilt every time she was around Willow. It made her want to get away, avoid it, which she was usually successful at during school, but now, in the forest, there was nowhere to run. </p><p>The tension was broken by Willow piping up.</p><p>“Remember that time at the playground, when you insisted you could stand on the swings and swing at the same time?” Willow reminisced, not looking at Amity.</p><p>Amity quirked an eyebrow at the girl, before smirking and looking ahead. “Yeah. I suppose the minor concussion I had for the next week speaks for my multitasking abilities, huh?”</p><p>“Your parents were so mad at you. I bet they said something dumb like ‘Blights don’t hurt themselves with foolish games!’” Willow laughed, impersonating Amity’s Dad in a posh British accent.</p><p>“Spot on. I should be glad they didn’t find out about all the other injuries I had when I was with you. I think that cracker is still up my nose to this day.”</p><p>“You can’t forget about the injuries you caused other people, too. Imagine how they’d react if you told them about Seamus Killman?”</p><p>“To be fair, he deserved it.” </p><p>“Yeah, because there’s a way to ‘deserve’ having your kneecap shattered by a softball.”</p><p>“In my defense, I was aiming a bit higher than his kneecap,” Amity smirked, looking over at Willow.</p><p>There was another pause before the two girls burst into laughter again. The awkwardness from before had dissipated, and the guilt in Amity’s stomach was replaced by nostalgia as she remembered how nice spending time with Willow was. It was easy. Easier than her other friends, where she needed to watch her mouth or risk having her reputation destroyed.</p><p>She regretted her decision to stop being Willow’s friend way more than she should have. It was necessary to maintain her reputation, sure, but what good is a reputation when everyone you talk to is like a landmine? </p><p>As much as Amity hated to admit it, the past few days had made her realize just how much she disliked her social life. Between Willow and Gus, she considered replacing her old friend group entirety, which, now that she thought about it…</p><p>wouldn’t be so bad.</p><p>Amity’s train of thought was disturbed by the counselor, who announced that they’d made it to Coffin Lake. It was just like Amity remembered it.</p><p>Coffin Lake wore its name with pride and a complete lack of subtlety. Not just for its sarcophagus shape, but also the fact that if you jumped off of the rocky ridge above it and missed the landing, you’d likely end up in one. The brief amount of land before said ridge was jagged and crooked, foreshadowing the exhilarating drop ahead. Amity stared over the edge into the lake and marked the spot where she’d try to land on her first jump.</p><p>“We’ll take everyone’s bags down the side of the ridge after you’ve all gotten changed, and then you can do your first jump! If you don’t want to jump and just wanna chill on the shore then that’s all good, just tell us and we’ll take you down.”</p><p>Amity saw the color drain from Willow’s face as she looked out over the ridge into the lake.</p><p>“What’s wrong? Do you not want to jump?”</p><p>Willow visibly gulped. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just… jeez, this is really high up.”</p><p>Amity considered for a moment, before sighing nervously. “I’m supposed to be your buddy or whatever, so I guess if you wanted to… we could jump together? You know, to ease your fear.”</p><p>Willow looked at Amity with questioning eyes. “You’d do that?”</p><p>“If you made me. Either way, I’m getting changed.”</p><p>Amity had started to walk off when she heard Willow mumble something behind her back. That was never a good sign.</p><p>“Pardon?”</p><p>Willow waved her hands dismissively. “Nothing! I’m gonna get changed as well. Fear is a witch's greatest enemy, after all.”</p><p>Shrugging, Amity got changed into her swimsuit behind a tree, and Willow followed suit. They lined up behind the other campers and waited for their turn to jump.</p><p>“Are you sure you want to?” Amity asked as the boy in front of them cannonballed off of the ridge.</p><p>“I’m certain. So long as I’m alone, it won’t be so hard.”</p><p>Willow's determined nod reminded Amity of when they were younger, when Willow insisted they go through with some outrageous scheme that was bound to get them in trouble.</p><p>“Amity and Willow, you’re good to jump!”</p><p>Running towards the ridge reminded her of running through the streets with Willow, to school, unafraid as they sprinted, determined to beat the other in an imaginary race.</p><p>“Let’s go!”</p><p>Holding Willow’s hand as they soared off the ridge reminded her of when she would get scared, get sad, get angry. Willow being there, in her grasp, was grounding. It was comforting. And much like now, when she felt like she was falling into nothingness, into fear…</p><p>It made her feel just the smallest bit braver.</p><p> </p><p>Ever since the bonfire, Luz Noceda had been unrelenting in her attempts at friendship. Everywhere Amity went, Luz would try to follow. Amity supposed it was nice to have an admirer, clingy as they were, but that didn’t make it any less irritating. </p><p>It was the late afternoon, and Amity and Luz had just finished their training for the day. Amity was sitting on the ground, adjusting her hair when Luz sat down next to her and started chugging a bottle of water.</p><p>“Do you have to be so barbaric? You’re getting your shirt wet.” Amity grumbled looking at Luz’s soaked camp shirt with disdain. It was almost endearing how unaware of her surroundings she was.</p><p>“Yikes! Aw, shoot, I didn’t even notice…” Luz pouted, patting down her shirt. “I’m just super tired. Good sesh today, Amity!”</p><p>“Thank you. You did… decently.” </p><p>“Come on, I was totally nailing it! Did you see me with that fire spell! I was all wapash, kaboom, kablammo!” Luz exclaimed, excitedly gesturing as she spoke.</p><p>“I wouldn’t put it that way, but your impression isn’t too far off. Don’t get too uppity though. I’ve known that spell since before I could walk.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, but you have to admit, my magic is pretty good for a human’s! Especially with all this training I’m doing! At this rate, I’m gonna be better than you before camp gives out!” </p><p>Amity raised her eyebrows and laughed. “I’d pay good snails to see you do better magic than me. No offense Luz, but we’re of completely different calibers.”</p><p>“You may think that, but I’ll prove it to you.” Luz sighed, getting up and giving her shirt one last wipe.</p><p>“I’ll match you eventually, Amity Blight. No matter what.”</p><p> </p><p>That night, Amity was awoken with a start as she felt a dull slap on her forehead. She shot up, knocking her head on the top bunk and swearing as she recovered whilst being shushed by an unseen entity.</p><p>“Amity, be quiet! Everyone will hear you!” A familiar voice whispered.</p><p>“What the hell, Luz?! Ugh, why did you wake me up?”</p><p>“I’ll show you! Get out of bed and follow me. Hurry up!” Luz exclaimed, turning around and tiptoeing out of the cabin.</p><p>Resisting the urge to roll over and go back to sleep, Amity dragged herself out of bed and slipped into some sneakers before following Luz out the door. </p><p>The night air of the camp was deathly quiet, without even crickets breaking the silence. The only sound was of Amity’s shoes and Luz’s bare feet pounding against the grass as they trod across the campgrounds. Amity could barely make out the girl next to her as she was walking, and relied on the dim moonlight for sight, making everything slightly blurry and hard to focus on. At least she wasn’t cold, the air blanketed with the thick humidity of Boiling Week, no longer cooled by the daytime wind.</p><p>“Care to explain why we’re out here?” Amity questioned and Luz suddenly ran ahead towards the forest.</p><p>“I have a proposition for you!” Luz said, parting the bushes and gesturing for Amity to enter. “Ladies first.”</p><p>Amity rolled her eyes and snuck through, the crack of the branches behind her indicating Luz following suit. She found herself in a clearing, stepping out into a large circular patch of sand, the whole thing lit dimly by the moon which hung above like a chandelier in a ballroom.</p><p>“What is this?” She asked, surveying her surroundings with a cautious curiosity. Her attention was drawn, however, by Luz, who stepped out into the sand patch and stuck out her hand, which lit with a golden orange flame.</p><p>“I, Luz Noceda, challenge you to a witches duel.”</p><p>Amity drew back in surprise and frowned. “A witches duel? You can’t be serious.”</p><p>“Our last one failed, right? Because we both cheated? Now that there’s no way we can cheat, I demand a rematch. With all the training I’ve been doing, I want to prove to you how good my magic’s gotten. So?”</p><p>“Luz, I-”</p><p>“Please? I know it seems dumb, but… I want to match you. I don’t want to be weaker than you anymore. I want to prove I’m worthy of being your friend by first showing you I’m worthy of being your rival.”</p><p>The offer struck Amity like a bolt of lightning, and she stumbled back. Luz’s nerve was surprising enough, but the fact she was willing to go this far just to prove she was worthy of being Amity’s friend was admirable, in a strange, stupid sort of way. So, placing her inhibitions aside, Amity nodded.</p><p>“I accept.”</p><p>Despite the dark, Amity could see Luz’s eyes light up, and she felt her heart swell with excitement. Amity walked to the other side of the battleground and got into position, digging her heels into the sand and narrowing her eyes. Luz did the same, and the two girls stood in a standoff, waiting with a jittery anticipation.</p><p>“Ready?”</p><p>“Ready.”</p><p>“Game on!”</p><p>Amity struck first, slinging her arm out and sending a strike of lightning towards her human opponent. Luz was ready though, swiftly dodging out of the way and running towards Amity with surprising speed. The green-haired girl watched slack-jawed as Luz reached into the pocket of her pajama pants and slapped a piece of paper onto the ground and a cylinder of ice shot up from it, propelling her into the air.</p><p>Amity retaliated as best as she could, summoning up a shield which she used to bash Luz away from landing directly on top of her, sending her rolling across the battleground in a heap. However, before she could run over and take her out properly, Luz sprung back up, wiping sweat from her brow and grinning like a maniac.</p><p>“Wow, Amity, you sure know how to fight! Too bad you’re still gonna lose!”</p><p>Luz pulled another piece of paper out of her pocket and slammed it into her chest. And with a wink and a smirk, she disappeared.</p><p>Amity looked around tensely, watching for wherever Luz could reappear as she stepped into the center of the battleground. But she was unprepared and got caught off guard. She felt a swift kick in her back, stumbling forwards and whipping around just in time to see Luz, who threw a punch beelining for her jaw.</p><p>Amity retaliated, blocking the punch with her fist, and the girls grappled with one another, their fight growing increasingly unprofessional as they scratched, punched, and kicked. The only tell that they weren’t fighting out of hatred was the crazed smiles on both their faces. </p><p>Amity won the grapple, pushing Luz away for long enough to summon an abomination behind her, which picked her up in a bear hold as she squirmed.</p><p>“What was that about me losing again? Sorry Luz, but it seems you haven’t matched me just yet.”</p><p>Amity smirked as she used both her hands to charge up a large blast, which she released onto her opponent and her abomination. To her surprise, the blast went straight through both, with the abomination being pierced by a hole straight through itself and Luz disappearing in a puff of smoke.</p><p>“What the-”</p><p>Amity was cut short by her legs suddenly being swept out from beneath her, sending her falling to the ground with a thud. The next thing she knew, Luz was on top of her, holding her arm over her throat in a solid pin.</p><p>“Call us shoes, because it seems to me like we match just fine.”</p><p>Amity was too shocked to retaliate. Partly because of the absolute mind freak she’d just experienced, but mostly because of the precarious situation she found herself in. She was pinned under Luz Noceda. More importantly, she’d been beaten by Luz Noceda. </p><p>She wasn’t sure if it was the shock of being defeated, her lack of lucidity after her injuries, or something else entirely, but in that moment Amity saw Luz in a completely different light. Her big, brown eyes searching Amity’s face, pupils dilated with adrenaline and irises practically glowing under the moonlight. Her cropped brown hair hanging in her face, messy, but perfect at the same time. Her whole face, glowing with an expression of pure giddiness and glee, dotted with tiny imperfections, freckles, scars, that Amity felt idiotic for not noticing before. She hadn’t noticed before.</p><p>Luz was pretty. Not just that. Luz was beautiful.</p><p>But not just her appearance. <i>Luz<i> was beautiful.</i></i></p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Luz was reckless and wild. Unlike Amity, unlike Willow, even unlike Gus, she never let herself be defined by how others saw her. She was passionate and caring and generous and everything about her glowed. She’d shown Amity acceptance she’d never seen before, she’d opened an entirely new perspective with nothing but herself and had single-handedly managed to ruin Amity’s life for the better. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Amity herself had changed her perspective of her own accord in the past few days, but those instances only existed because Luz came into her life.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She was an amalgamation of contradictions because, while it seemed like everything about her should make Amity despise her, Amity found that she couldn’t stop being drawn in, like an apple is to the ground once it’s fallen from the highest point of the tree. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Luz Noceda was beautiful, and Amity felt like an idiot for having never seen it before.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Hey, Amity, you okay?”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Amity was shaken out of her stupor and found herself flushing at the sound of her name in Luz’s voice. It was a weird thing to appreciate, that’s for certain.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Yeah, I’m fine. How did you do that?” Amity stammered, trying to ignore the sudden hammering of her heart.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Illusion magic. Gus gave me some advanced tips, which is how I pulled off the whole illusory clone invisibility thing. Sorry if that seems like cheating.” Luz laughed, her body shaking as she spoke. It was the physical embodiment of melted sugar and it made Amity feel like her bones were about to dissolve. The movement also made Amity remember that <b>Luz was on top of her</b> and she scrambled to sit up, pushing Luz's arm off her throat placing her hand on her beating heart.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“It’s fine, you won, whatever.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Amity could barely form a coherent sentence with how distracted she was. Her brain was buzzing with all her revelations and she felt like she needed to lie back down. Though that just reminded her of the whole pinning situation and made her even more frazzled. It didn’t help that Luz was sitting up now as well, brushing her hair out of her face and looking up at the sky. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Amity started to calm down somewhat, and the static of her brain reduced into a warm fuzzy feeling, although her face was still beet red. Luz really had improved. She’d learned new magic, and had managed to best even Amity. And when Amity properly let herself process it, gaping at the girl who’d beaten her bathed in moonlight and victory, Amity Blight came to a horrifying realization.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She had developed feelings for Luz Noceda. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>A few days later, Amity asked Willow what she’d mumbled that day on the ridge, and she’d recounted it with a grin.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You really have changed, haven’t you?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>By the way, thanks for all the support on this fic so far!! It’s been way more than I ever would have hoped for my first work, and comments/kudos’ make my day every time I get them. Not sure when the final chapter will be out, but hopefully I’ll get around to it soonish.</p><p>Also I completely removed a chapter which is why it’s 3/4 instead of 3/5. That’s business, baby!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Stars and the Sun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After realizing her feelings, Amity swears herself to staying away from Luz until she can snuff them out. This proves to be a lot more difficult than she thought, however.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Holy shit! I finished it!! This fic's been on hiatus for a while but I've been yearning lately so I figured the best cure was to write some prose and introspection and here we are. Thanks to everyone who's stuck by this, comments and kudos' mean so much more than I can say, and I hope you all are satisfied with this conclusion. Love ya!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once they’d properly concluded their fight, Amity and Luz went back to their cabins. Amity, however, didn’t sleep a wink.</p>
<p>Amity Blight didn’t do crushes. She didn’t do romance. Especially not when the subject of said romance was a bumbling idiot who could barely stand up straight. But despite every part of her brain telling her to bury her feelings, to lock them up, and throw the key into a deep dark lake, her heart wouldn’t stop screaming. And it was a pain in the ass.</p>
<p>Her brain was buzzing with thoughts of <i>Luz’s hair, Luz’s eyes, Luz’s smile, Luz’s lips-</i></p>
<p>When she woke up the next morning it felt like she was rolling out of her grave. </p>
<p>“Morning bunkmate!”</p>
<p>Luz’s typical greeting sent Amity’s heart into her throat, and she flinched a little too much, laughed a little too nervously. <i>Stop it. She can’t know.</i></p>
<p>Clearing her head and steadying her heart, Amity shot her trademark icy glare into the eyes of her bunkmate and left for the mess hall without saying a word. </p>
<p>After that incident, Amity concluded that she needed to do something about her newfound feelings. It was already bad enough, too much and it would become overwhelming, and in her current state, it frightened her to think of how much worse it could get. </p>
<p>But she’d be fine, right? It was just a crush, it was just Luz. If she could just survive the rest of camp, everything would be fine.</p>
<p>But as soon as her goal of the end of camp was set, it became immediately apparent that lasting out was going to be much harder than she thought. Apparently, Luz Noceda interpreted Amity sitting at a one-person table by the window not as a request for isolation but simply as one for migration, which was just great.</p>
<p>What was even worse, however, was how Amity never realized how <i>touchy<i> Luz was, and it was a problem. </i></i></p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Before, little things like Luz fixing Amity’s hair, bumping their elbows together, sitting just a little closer than they needed to meant nothing, but now every bit of contact sent sparks of electricity down her arms and made her jump back. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>It was unbearable. She didn’t know how to respond, to react, keep her cool. Amity could last out not letting Luz know, but what about everybody else? It felt like her chest had been cracked open, her insides spilling out for everyone to see, the crack only growing wider and wider the closer Luz got.  </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Everyone’s eyes bore into her. She could tell. Judging. <i>Knowing.</i> They had to know, how could they not? When Amity’s heart was lying in the middle of the table how could they not tell exactly who pulled it out? So she picked it up and shoved it back down her throat with a swallow and a sharp pull away from her seat.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’m not hungry.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>And Amity left the mess hall. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>She knew that things had changed. She knew she couldn’t see Luz in the same light again, that was par for the course with romance, but what she didn’t foresee was just how much this would affect her. The physical symptoms were there, increased pulse, sweating palms, red face. All the things of a typical lovesick teenage girl, but there were things indicative of another type of sickness she couldn’t diagnose. This exposure, this vulnerability, this need that Luz had dumped onto her was slowly becoming terminal. And until she found a solution, she needed to relocate her priorities. Direct the blood to the places that mattered until the lost parts of herself could be shaken back into place back at the Boiling Isles.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>And so, out there in the morning summer sun, Amity decided to go into a coma. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Pretending to go numb was easy. It wasn’t the first time she’d done it. Apathy was the first line of defense against unwanted feelings, she’d spent years perfecting the art of appearing to not care. The hard part was when she did. She really, really did. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>The day dragged on like wax dripping from a candle with a dying flame. It wasn’t helped by the unbearable heat, only seeming to make the seconds melt into one another even more. Freezing herself was a way to avoid the heat and the searing, slow pain, but it also isolated her from the unanimous condition the world felt. She was oil on water, mercury on skin. A cold, ever frozen icicle hanging off the bottom of the sun. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Feeling left out wasn’t unfamiliar, it was welcome, but again the problem came when she found herself directly parallel to the center of the fire. Luz was radiant, obviously intending to soak up every minute of the last day of camp. And as much as something she’d pushed deep down wanted to scream that this girl was the sun and she’d never wanted to become Icarus so bad in her life, the crack in her chest was still freezing over, so an orbit was all she could allow, all she could handle.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Spending the day only focusing on the blazing ball of joy in her peripheral somehow made it much easier to never look directly ahead. The fake numbness became real, and as Amity kept herself at arm’s length it became much easier to avoid Luz. Like a pattern, like a year. Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring. An orbit.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Enter morning training with a closed expression, your hat too far down on your face to only be used to cover your eyes. Run laps around the grounds slower than normal so the girl in front of you searing her footprints into the dirt doesn’t sear something else into you. Stop dead in your tracks when she looks directly at you, her head tilting just slightly, an urge to go ahead, to keep up. Walk off the track and check out early when the slightest movement of her hair over her eyes sets you on fire.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Spend arts and crafts tucked away amongst the branches, the second degree of separation from the threat below. The shade is cool and protective, aloe on the burns you’ve obtained throughout the morning. Hear the crack of branches and the rustle of leaves as something makes its way up. Feel your soul be set ablaze as brown eyes meet yours and a friendly hand extends a bracelet of green and purple to you, with a grin so blinding your vision starts to leave you. Push your heart back down from your throat as you hit the ground running, the bracelet laying trampled in the dirt behind you, the ends just beginning to fray. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Eat lunch in the empty mess hall, the post noon sun having long since passed the windows you tuck yourself next to, leaving you in full shade as sun rays shine into the opposite side of the room with a tinge of something you’ve only recently learned how to name. They retract as the sun falls into the trees miles away, and you roughly shoulder check the fragment of it that’s come to keep you company as you migrate to the cabins for further hibernation.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>An almost perfect orbit. Never too close to the sun.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>As night blanketed Camp Rottencove on the final day, Amity felt herself grow relaxed. The external heat had only amplified the internal, but now that all that remained of the day since gone was the lingering humidity of the night air, she had nothing left to hold her back before the day was finally over. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>But she didn’t feel happy. Far from it. She was also far from surprised though. The joy she’d experienced before she decided to burden herself with feelings was entirely attributed to Luz’s influence, in hindsight. And now that she’d cut her off there wasn’t anything left. No matter. Once her routine in the Boiling Aisles filled the cavity in her chest as much as it filled everything else, there wouldn’t be any more space to push these feelings out of. All that was left was the Fear Walk.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Okay everyone, who’s ready for the fear walk!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>The counselor's announcement was met by cheers from the crowd. The air was electric with possibility, the freedom of the final night, and talk of the fear walk had been spreading throughout camp for the past few days.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Just a couple of quick reminders before we get things started- Rule Number One, do not go off the path under any circumstance. Keep your hands on the rope tied between the trees at all times, and if you get scared you can leave whenever you want, just follow the rope back in the opposite direction. Us councilors may be trying to scare you, but we’re also there to help if you need anything at all. Rule Number Two! Stay in your groups. In case someone does go off the path, it’s better you do it together so it’s easier to find you. Rule Number Three, have fun! Now, who’s ready to get scared?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Amity had done the fear walk every year. She was fearless in general, and the few things that did make her blood run cold strayed far from things you’d find in a haunted house. She’d always been exempt from the group rule, being a loner who could handle herself, but Willow seemed to have other plans.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Hey Amity, do you maybe wanna walk with us? I noticed you haven’t been around today, so maybe we could get a bit of time in together before camp ends.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Trust Willow to be the one to catch Amity off guard. As much as she hated to admit it, her childhood best friend was one of the few people who had her beat, probably because at one point she’d known her better than she knew herself. And judging off of that look in her eyes, one of something Amity understood perfectly but knew would be denied if she called it out, Willow had already seen right through her like she was a sheet of glass. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“It’s fine. I can handle myself.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Do you want to, though?” Willow prodded, tilting her head ever so slightly.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>The tilt made her glasses shift, and Amity could see her reflection. Everything about herself gave it away, her chest was still cracked wide open even if she’d spent all day desperately freezing it shut, and she’d be damned if Willow would be the first one to see when it all came flooding out.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Quit being so pushy and just drop it, okay? What I want is to not have to watch all of you scream like babies.” Amity snapped.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Willow raised her eyebrows and leaned back. “Fine. If you’re too afraid to walk alongside us, that’s your choice. When you’re ready to take the plunge, call me.” She looked at Amity for a second to punctuate her point, before turning around and returning to her friends.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Amity wasn’t afraid, she thought, looking down. Not of the fear walk, not of Luz, and certainly not of Willow. And she could prove it, if not to everyone else, then at least to herself. Squash this thing that had been threatening to spill out once and for all, so no diseased remains could be trekked back into her perfect life. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>The rope slid gently beneath Amity’s palms as she walked through the woods solo. The councilors had failed numerous times to even make her flinch, and it was becoming more of a game to guess where they were hiding and what they’d try next.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>The night air was blanketed in a peaceful hum, only the familiar sounds of nature filling the dips where the world felt all too quiet. But outer noises can’t exactly occupy the internal silence of the mind, which was how Amity found herself thinking more than she’d been allowed to. She could lend herself some leeway, being constantly on guard was exhausting.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Why was Luz the one who’d caused this problem? That was the first thing that came to mind. She wasn’t special. If anything she was less than special, being a human and all that. She let her mind wander back to the witches duel- the fading memories of that intense battle had been one of the many things she aimed to keep her mind off of, but now that she was too tired to fight anymore it seemed only fitting to return to the last moment she was happy.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>She remembered Luz, silhouetted by moonlight. Giddy and laughing from the battle just past. Her immediate reflex was to push it back down, but nobody was here. Nobody could tell. She could mop up the blood later, it was too tiring to keep applying pressure. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>As beautiful as Luz had looked, there was something else. Some effervescent quality that somehow made her below and above Amity at all times. Passion? Freedom? Words escaping Amity wasn’t uncommon, but it seemed like when it came to Luz she could never figure out what to say. How do you describe someone indescribable? </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Amity could be defined. Amity could have adjectives put on a certificate or a trophy and claim that as an accurate description. Conscientious. Perseverant. Skilled. But Luz somehow evaded description, likely because she’d never won an award in her life that could be both demeaning and praising. All the dictionaries in the world couldn’t find what she was looking for, which was infuriating, because if she couldn’t find what she needed in a book or a spell or her mind then where the hell was she supposed to find it, how is she supposed to explain the things that evade explanation, how can she be expected to make sense of herself when she can’t even make sense of the one person who’s somehow managed to completely recreate her-</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>For the past five minutes, Amity hadn’t been holding onto anything. The Rottencove forest was known for uncertain terrain, and campers were never permitted to go more than fifty meters into the woods alone. Amity was more than a hundred meters into the woods and was currently laying at the bottom of a ditch. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>She hadn’t broken anything, thank god, but she was still broken. Her palms were scratched from desperately grabbing onto twigs on the incline, her hair tie had snapped and her shirt was ripped. And all of those feelings she’d been repressing were spilling out of her fresh wound and seeping into the forest floor. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Her chest ached, her throat closed up, and she felt her fingers reflexively dig into her palms as she began sobbing. The heart she’d been so desperately trying to keep hidden sat fully in her lap now, exposed to no one and everyone at once, but she didn’t have the energy to care. She was so, so tired. Tired and afraid.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>And that was exactly it, wasn’t it? Willow was right. She was afraid. Not of Willow, or of the fear walk, or even of being rejected by Luz. She was afraid because her definition, who she was, the outer shell that made up Amity Blight was cracked and bleeding, and the parts of herself she couldn’t bear to try and understand, that she was too ashamed of to ever let come out were breaking through everything she’d worked so hard to make herself become. But in her despair, she also found the words for Luz. Impermanent.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>The things Amity had never shown, her fear, her insecurity, the way it felt as though the world was always pushing against her were things that made up her inside, but for Luz, they were what made up her everything. Luz Noceda was everything Amity would never be because she showed everything to everyone. She had no definition, she was impermanence personified because she never had to be ‘Luz Noceda’ or ‘Amity Blight’, she only ever had to be herself. While Amity had placed her heart in her throat, in her stomach, in her mind, Luz had placed it on her sleeve, and the radiance it projected was the thing that always made Amity feel like she was about to burst open with all the things she would never be. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>And so she allowed herself a brief moment of remittance. A brief moment of turning herself inside out and crying herself stupid amongst the leaves of the Rottencove forest. She dragged her nails along her arms, her chest, her face in some hope to unravel the shell she’d wrapped herself in, but the ribbons she tore in her definition were healed as quickly as she’d made them. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>In all her wailing and shaking and crying and hoping, she couldn’t, even for a brief moment, allow herself to be as vulnerable as she’d been the night her heart was cracked open from beneath Luz Noceda, or next to Gus, or attached to Willow. Try as she could she couldn’t allow herself to just be when she was alone. But then fate summoned Luz Noceda, who stood above Amity on the edge of the ditch, and she felt the crack in her chest swallow her whole. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Amity! Oh my gosh, are you okay? Are you hurt? What happened, everyone’s looking for you?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Suddenly, the space above Amity was just filled with <i>Luz</i> and her mind went blank. Then she felt something inside herself hitch. Like a gun being cocked before it’s fired. Like a twig being snapped before something exits the woods. Like the clock striking midnight on New Year's Eve. She broke down again, sobbing even harder than before. She thought her feelings had all been revealed, that she’d been fully exposed, but as it turned out there was always more. Everything was too loud, it was <b>too loud</b> and she just wanted to go back, to feel safe again.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Then she felt two warm hands on her cheeks, and Amity looked up and saw Luz, sitting on her knees holding Amity’s face like it was the most delicate piece of chinaware ever created. It was so, so, gentle, and Amity felt herself break open even more.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Hey. It’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>And she was right. Luz was familiar with this. She was exposed all the time and to place her heart in the hands of someone who knew how to handle it was all Amity could do to stop herself from dying then and there. So she took a deep breath in and placed her hands over Luz’s. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Okay.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Luz had filled in the space next to Amity, she sat with herself slightly turned, her body language open. Amity had her knees tucked up slightly, and was staring straight ahead.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“So… we’ve been looking for you. We thought you’d gotten lost. Did you… did you come here on purpose?” Luz’s voice was tinged with familiarity like this wasn’t her first time asking questions like this.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“No. I just… wandered off the path. I got distracted.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“By, like, a bird?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“No.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>The silence was deafening. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Why have you been avoiding me?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Trust Luz to get straight to the point.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“It’s not that I think this has anything to do with me, I just…” She took a shaky breath. “There’s something wrong, and I feel like you running away every time I come near you is a side effect of that. Or something.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>It has everything to do with you. It’s never not had everything to do with you.</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“That would be accurate.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“That you avoiding me is a side effect? Or that it’s the whole thing?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“The whole thing.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Oh.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>There’s too much weight in that. That one realization. She has to know now, right? How much she makes Amity want to burn every part of herself down and start again from ash. She has to know.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“So you hate me then?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>What.</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Amity refocused her eyes and angled them at Luz, trying to process what she just heard. Luz is sitting there looking like she’s slowly sinking into the ground, staring at her feet. Amity can’t even gather the words to refute that statement.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Don’t worry, this isn’t the first time I’ve been too overeager. I kinda tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. It’s a lot to handle. But I never-” Luz choked on a sob, her smile not leaving her face, and Amity felt something inside of her break.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I never thought I’d ever hurt anyone. Amity I am so, so sorry for whatever I’ve done. I hate myself for the fact that I’ve- that I’ve made you into this.” She gestured loosely to Amity’s distressed demeanor. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I don’t know what I did wrong, maybe I pushed you too hard and you just want to be alone, I… I don’t know, but I hate seeing you like this, and I want to make you feel better, <i>I want to</i> but I don’t know what I did and I don’t know what I’m doing, I-” Luz’s voice cracked and she placed her hand over her mouth, holding it down with her other one before letting it go and looking up, knocking her head back against the tree weakly.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how to make friends, I don’t know how to be nice to people without making them- without making them feel uncomfortable. I don’t know, Amity.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Amity couldn’t do anything. She couldn’t move. She wanted Luz to stop, to continue, she wanted to kiss her so hard that she’d have to know just how irrevocably she’d ruined Amity, she wanted to run away and live in the woods forever, she wanted, she wanted, <i>she wanted</i>.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Was it the duel? I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I got carried away, I got worried I’d hurt your pride when I had you pinned down but the way you were looking at me… I, I just don’t know. There was <i>something</i> that changed, and I can’t place it and it won’t stop bugging me because I don’t know how I make you feel and I want to, I really want to so I can figure how to get you to admire me like I admire you, Amity.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>They looked at each other for a beat, before Luz’s expression softened, and Amity swore she could see the sun shining behind her eyes.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I really admire you.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Why?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Luz blinked in surprise before giggling, running a hand through her hair. “What?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Amity hadn’t put much thought into it before she’d said it. It was all she could manage to choke out. But she found the words.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“How can you admire me? I’m not… I’m not like you. I don’t have any substance. All that I know are the things that I’m supposed to be, that I have to be, why don’t you get that? That’s why I can’t be around you. You have… so much to give. You don’t hold anything back, and I’m someone who has too much empty space inside me that I can’t afford to fill with someone like you, because I know the second I let you in I won’t be able to get you out again.” Amity spilled, not being able to look Luz in the eye. Amity could feel her gaze boring into her, however. Looking for more.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Wow… okay.” Amity could hear the way Luz was stuttering, how she was surely rubbing her hand across her mouth the way she did when her brain was trying to catch up with her other senses.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I, uh, don’t exactly know what that means? But what I’m getting is that you don’t hate me. Right? And that I’m, like… filling up your brain? Or something?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Amity gave a reluctant sigh and laughed. She could still feel herself bleeding out, everything about her showed just how much she cared at this point but she didn’t mind. “Close enough. I don’t hate you. Not even a little bit. Not at all, if I’m honest.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Luz gave a similar laughing sigh. “Oh. That’s good! That’s good, I-” She laughed again, “I’m glad I haven’t screwed you up that massively yet.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>Oh, you have. Just not in the way you think.</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Not yet.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“So… how do you feel about me, then? It sounds a bit insensitive after you just spilled your guts to me, I know, but… I dunno. The duel. The way you looked when we were…” Luz paused to find the words. “Done. I can’t get you- your expression, out of my head. You looked kinda starry-eyed. But only dimly. Like when the sun is only just rising and they’re beginning to fade but you still know they’re there because of course, they are, they’re the stars and even when the sun is up they never really go out and they’re still a part of everything but… yeah, you get my point.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“What <i>was<i> that?” Luz punctuated.</i></i></i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Even though she knew exactly what it was, exactly what Luz had seen, Amity felt the world around her go still. There was some lilt in Luz’s voice that made her feel like there was something she was missing, something she wanted her to say but for all that, she was so ridiculously in love with this girl she couldn’t place it. So she didn’t. All she did instead was look at the other girl in a way she hoped she could communicate the things her mind would never let her say out loud.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>They looked at each other for a while. It felt like they were moving ever so slightly closer by the second. Amity felt Luz move her hand slightly closer to Amity’s leg, Amity felt her waist bend as she got a little closer until they were only a breath away from each other. The air was electric, pulsing, and perfectly still, and Amity’s mind was reeling with <i>I could close the gap right now, just move a single inch and it’ll all be over.</i> The world was so <i>almost,</i> they were so close but not close enough, and she wanted to abandon everything just to see what would happen if she took her heart and placed it in Luz’s lap.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Then a bright light. Amity was pretty sure she’d just died, but when she turned, she saw one of the councilors shining a torch at the two girls, surprised, before turning around and shouting into the woods.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“I found her!”</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>The two girls didn’t say a word to each other on the walk back through the woods. The air was thick between them with the weight of <i>almost,</i> and even with all that had happened, Amity still felt hollow, like instead of baring her heart with gentle care and kindness, she’d ripped it out and buried it right there in the woods. When she finally broke out of the branches into the night air she knew she’d left something behind.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Hot chocolate and kind words couldn’t soothe the ache that had bloomed in Amity’s chest. Before, she thought she knew what was happening, what she wanted, but now she wasn’t sure. With Willow and Gus doting over them by the fire there was no room to make sense of anything just yet, but the numbness in her body and the tiredness in her bones threw her off from thinking too hard about it. She just wanted to leave her heart buried in the woods and go home. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>But of course, Luz was the kind of person to never leave home without a shovel. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Amity’s thoughts were too loud to go to sleep, so when she was awakened by a prod in the shoulder it wasn’t as much of a disturbance as it would be otherwise. When she opened her eyes to see Luz, every part of her just wanted to roll over and feign sleep, but she could see in the other girl’s face that this wasn’t something she’d be allowed to avoid. What goes up must come down.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“Where are we going? I refuse to let you take me back into the woods, no way am I getting lost again.”</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>It was different from the first time they’d sneaked out. Before it was silent, ambient with the nature around them, but now the only thing Amity could hear and see was the girl in front of her, the two of them connected by actions and words unspoken. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Luz poked into the brush before popping back out and gesturing to Amity. “Ladies first. As per usual.”</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Amity rolled her eyes and walked through the bushes, feeling her heart stop as she walked into the familiar patch of sand. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“Why did you bring me back here? What, are you going to let me win out of pity this time?”</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Amity’s pointed banter was cut short by Luz. Where she had previously stood extending her hand to her rival, she now stood arms by her side, facing a friend. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“I have some stuff to say. I can’t keep things like this in for too long, and I know you’re tired, but if I wait until after camp things won’t be the same.”</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Amity looked at Luz and nodded tentatively. There was no pretense of a duel now. This had become a battle of hearts.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“I never got to finish what I was saying before. About how I admire you.”</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“I-”</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“I know you don’t think you deserve to be admired. That you’re a hollow shell or whatever, but that’s not how I see you, Amity. Sure, your skill plays a part in why I think you’re so cool, but there’s more than that. There’s always been more than that. You see the world in so much… detail. I tend to get so wrapped up in myself and my own things that I always let the small stuff pass me by, but you’re better than that. You see and understand everything so vividly, you’re always so confident in whatever you do and I know that deep down you understand yourself a lot more than you think. You’re brave and brilliant and beautiful, and I never know what to say because how am I supposed to talk to you? You’re Amity. And I really, really like you. More than I should.”</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Luz looks to the ground, bashfully, and Amity feels her orbit beginning to draw her in.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“I like you. And I like myself when I’m around you. I feel like you see me in a way that nobody else does, and I want to make you as happy as you make me, whatever that means. I guess what I’m trying to say is-”</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Amity cuts her off by pressing her lips against Luz’s, not even realizing how close she’d gotten. It's quick and chaste and not nearly enough to let go of everything she’s been pushing down, but it’s a start. It’s enough to realize that she never buried her heart in the woods, rather she buried it in Luz Noceda. And the space that’s left by it is something she knows she's ready to fill.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Luz pulls away after a second, and there’s a moment of panic where she thinks she’s just done something horrible, and then Luz smiles and moves back in and Amity sees stars. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Their second kiss is better, the pretense of needing to resolve something long behind them, and now they can take their time to enjoy it. Luz is very clearly having trouble keeping her mouth closed from smiling, and every couple of seconds they break their kiss to laugh but it’s beautiful all the same. Because it’s the sun and the stars colliding, and god, whoever thought that would be possible. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>They spend a while there in the middle of that empty patch of sand. Talking, mostly. About the things that scare them, and the things that don’t. Clearing the air from the static they spent so long cultivating in each other’s orbit. It’s only when they see the sun peeking through the trees that they realize just how long they’ve spent in each other’s company. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>But Amity doesn’t mind, in the end. The sun on her skin exposes her, replenishes her, and is one of the many things that remind her just how beautiful life can be. She’s not afraid anymore, and although she knows that these electric nights are impermanent, that doesn’t mean they’ll be gone forever once the sun inevitably rises. After all, the dawn doesn’t chase the stars away. It just fills the empty spaces between them with light.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
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